Twenty plus pound babies are rare. In halflings it’s downright unheard of, yet one was born in the quiet hamlet of Hazybrook. Village fisherman swore that the lack of a catch that day was due to Eabha Leafbotoom’s screams scaring away the fish. She used many colorful phrases that day, but “Get this big bloody rock out of me!!!” is the one everyone remembers. The newborn anvil emerged. Calm and quiet. The doctor, concerned that the child wasn’t breathing, gave it a second, much harder smack, and the child struck back. Hard. As he grew, the name became more and more fitting. Stones are, after all remarkably serene, but you’d hate to be hit by one.
It was said that the mass of his body didn’t leave any room for his brain to grow while in the womb. Intellect aside, Big Bloody Rock was an excellent worker provided someone was around to tell him what to do, especially if that person was his mother. He was her first child, and, based on the experience, her only child. His well being was something she fiercely desired. Eabha made sure he new how to fight while keeping a shield pointed at his opponent, and trusted his blackout level rage to do the rest. Axe smart she called it, and, as it turned out, when he’d pull the great blade from it’s harness and say, “this is how momma said to argue,” folks would universally agree that he was surely correct and apologize for the misunderstanding.
He spent years in the military as a platoon. Many a battle highlighted by a quiet moment when the enemy contingent stared in confusion, as the lone, short, wide man walked steadily towards them, axe in hand, emotionlessly stating that “this is how momma said to argue.”
While abroad, he was given his accumulated pay, and his service ended. For the first time in his life, there was no one to tell him what to do.
He sat down to think. Weeks later he concluded that going home would be nice. Not knowing where he was, or how to get home from there didn’t seem to be a problem. He had his shield and axe, and he knew how to argue. A plaintiff piano melody began as Big Bloody Rock walked off towards the horizon.Follow @JoelAVollmer